Pregnancy is often described as exhausting, emotional, and physically demanding. But what happens when you feel your best during pregnancy—only to feel like you’ve completely lost yourself after giving birth?
In this episode of The Dr. Brighten Show, Dr. Jolene Brighten sits down with ADHD advocate and entrepreneur Vanessa D’Souza to explore an experience that countless neurodivergent women recognize but few people discuss: postpartum burnout in women with ADHD and autism. Together, they unpack how dramatic hormonal shifts, sensory overload, executive dysfunction, masking, and relationship dynamics collide during the postpartum period, creating a perfect storm that is often misunderstood as postpartum depression.
This is not simply a conversation about motherhood. It’s a discussion about the intersection of female hormones, neurodivergence, nervous system regulation, executive function, relationships, and the invisible labor women carry every day. If you’ve ever wondered why motherhood felt different than you expected—or why no one seemed to understand what you were experiencing—this episode offers both validation and practical insight.
Pre-order ADHD and Women by Dr. Jolene Brighten and discover how hormones shape focus, motivation, executive function, and emotional regulation http://drbrighten.com/adhdandwomen
ADHD and Autism Postpartum: What You’ll Learn in This Episode
Whether you’re newly postpartum, planning a pregnancy, supporting a loved one, or simply trying to better understand the relationship between hormones and neurodivergence, this episode delivers powerful insights, including:
- Why pregnancy may temporarily improve executive function for some women with ADHD—and why everything can change after delivery.
- The surprising reason estrogen may leave some women feeling mentally sharper during pregnancy before postpartum hormones shift dramatically.
- Why postpartum burnout isn’t always postpartum depression, and the key differences discussed in this conversation.
- What happens when masking suddenly becomes impossible after having a baby.
- Why becoming a mother can reveal needs you never realized you had before pregnancy.
- The unexpected relationship between breastfeeding, dopamine, sensory overload, and nervous system regulation.
- Why so many neurodivergent women feel misunderstood by partners and family members after childbirth.
- The overlooked ways that hospital birth environments can overwhelm autistic women, from lighting and noise to constant touch.
- Why “just do it” advice often fails for autistic and ADHD women—and what that reveals about executive function.
- Vanessa shares what it was like parenting a child who slept approximately nine total hours per day at 17 months old while she averaged only about four hours of sleep each night.
- Why finding a truly neuro-affirming therapist proved far more difficult than expected.
- The postpartum support plan both Dr. Brighten and Vanessa wish they had—and why planning for the fourth trimester may be just as important as planning for birth itself.
ADHD and Autism Postpartum: Why So Many Women Feel Like They Lost Themselves
One of the most powerful themes throughout this conversation is that motherhood doesn’t necessarily create neurodivergent challenges—it often reveals them.
Vanessa describes feeling energized during pregnancy, something she attributes to the hormonal environment of pregnancy. She recalls having more energy than she had experienced previously, only to find that everything shifted after delivery. Rather than experiencing postpartum depression, she describes entering a profound state of burnout where she simply no longer had the capacity to keep masking or compensate for the demands of daily life.
Dr. Brighten expands on this experience by discussing the dramatic hormonal transition that occurs after birth. She explains how pregnancy hormones support brain function differently than the postpartum period, particularly as estrogen and progesterone levels rapidly decline following delivery of the placenta. Throughout the conversation, she connects these hormonal changes to executive function, emotional regulation, and nervous system resilience.
For many listeners, this may completely reframe the postpartum experience.
Instead of asking:
“Why can’t I handle this?”
the more accurate question may become:
“What changed biologically—and why wasn’t anyone talking about it?”
That distinction matters because self-blame often prevents women from seeking the accommodations and support they truly need.
When Burnout Replaces Masking
One of the most unique aspects of this episode is its discussion of masking.
Many women spend years developing strategies that allow them to appear organized, socially engaged, emotionally regulated, and capable—even when enormous effort is required behind the scenes.
Vanessa explains that after becoming a mother, those strategies simply stopped working. Her energy was redirected toward keeping her baby safe and regulated, leaving nothing left to sustain the masking behaviors that had previously helped her navigate work, relationships, and everyday life.
Rather than recognizing this as an expected consequence of overwhelming cognitive load, many of the people around her interpreted her honesty, exhaustion, and changing needs as personality flaws.
She describes being told she was:
- overreacting
- too much
- difficult
- controlling
when, in reality, she no longer had the neurological capacity to perform the role everyone had grown accustomed to seeing.
Dr. Brighten points out that this dynamic reflects a broader societal expectation placed on women: to prioritize everyone else’s comfort above their own. When masking disappears, many women are perceived as having changed, when in reality, they are simply no longer able to hide the immense effort it previously took to function.
Pregnancy, Hormones, and Executive Function
Another major discussion centers around the relationship between hormones and the brain.
Dr. Brighten explains how estrogen supports the prefrontal cortex—the area responsible for executive functions such as planning, organization, task initiation, and decision-making. She also discusses progesterone’s role in calming the nervous system through its effects on GABA signaling and how the loss of these hormones postpartum may contribute to increased stress reactivity.
This physiological perspective helps explain why some women feel dramatically different after giving birth—not because they suddenly became less capable, but because the biological environment supporting executive function has fundamentally changed.
The conversation also explores how chronic sleep deprivation, breastfeeding, caregiving demands, and the constant need to anticipate an infant’s needs can further increase cognitive load. Rather than acting independently, these factors often compound one another, creating an environment where burnout becomes increasingly difficult to avoid.
For women with ADHD or autism, that burden may be even greater because the same cognitive resources that once supported masking are now redirected toward survival, caregiving, and nervous system regulation.
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Links Mentioned in This Episode
- Vanessa D'Souza’s Instagram: @the.autistic.chef
- Vanessa D’Souza’s Website: vanessadsouza.co.uk
- ADHD & Women by Dr. Jolene Brighten
Sensory Overload, Breastfeeding, and the Hidden Mental Load
One of the most eye-opening parts of this conversation is how motherhood changes the demands placed on the nervous system—especially for women with ADHD and autism.
Vanessa explains that after giving birth, she wasn’t simply caring for her baby. She was constantly trying to anticipate every need before her son cried because preventing dysregulation became its own form of survival. Rather than reacting to cues, she found herself living in a continual state of vigilance, expending enormous mental energy to stay several steps ahead.
She also shares her experience with breastfeeding as someone with significant sensory sensitivities. Although breastfeeding was often overstimulating, she continued because it was the most reliable way she knew to regulate her baby and simplify feeding. Throughout the discussion, she describes how every alternative—from preparing bottles to managing formula logistics—felt like adding another layer of executive function she simply didn’t have available.
Dr. Brighten reflects on her own breastfeeding experience, acknowledging that even when breastfeeding is going well, it can still become intensely overstimulating for neurodivergent women. Together, they normalize an experience many mothers silently carry but rarely discuss.
The conversation also highlights something many parents overlook:
The invisible work of motherhood isn’t just feeding, changing diapers, or doing laundry. It’s constantly regulating yourself while simultaneously regulating another human being.
For neurodivergent women, that invisible labor can become overwhelming long before anyone else notices.
Relationships, Partners, and Why So Many Women Feel Unsupported
Another powerful theme throughout the episode is the reality that many women do not feel adequately supported during the postpartum period.
Vanessa openly discusses the mismatch between her expectations of shared parenting and her lived experience after having a baby. She describes feeling responsible not only for parenting but also for carrying much of the household’s executive functioning, while simultaneously navigating profound hormonal changes and burnout.
Dr. Brighten shares that her own postpartum experience was not dramatically different. She recalls returning to work just six weeks after giving birth while still managing interrupted sleep and the demands of caring for a newborn. Looking back, she explains that both she and her husband had to learn new ways of communicating and sharing responsibility because neither had a model for what equal parenting looked like.
Rather than placing blame, both women emphasize that education is often the missing ingredient.
Partners cannot support experiences they do not understand.
That is why Dr. Brighten repeatedly encourages women to share educational resources—including this episode—with the people closest to them. Greater understanding creates more opportunities for compassion, realistic expectations, and meaningful accommodations.
Why Birth Matters for Neurodivergent Women
The discussion also expands beyond the postpartum period to include labor and delivery.
Vanessa explains that she intentionally chose a birthing center because she knew sensory input would affect her ability to labor. Mood lighting, reduced noise, and a calmer environment weren’t preferences—they were accommodations that helped her nervous system function. She also describes how overwhelming it became when numerous healthcare providers entered the room unexpectedly after delivery.
Dr. Brighten shares similar experiences, explaining that long before she knew she was autistic, she instinctively understood that excessive noise, bright lights, repeated touching, and constant interruptions would interfere with labor. She recounts advocating for a birth environment where her needs would be respected and how dramatically different that experience was compared to her first birth.
These stories reinforce an important message:
Neurodivergent women often know what environments help them feel safe. When those needs are acknowledged and accommodated, birth—and the postpartum recovery that follows—may become significantly less overwhelming.
What This Episode Ultimately Teaches
Although the conversation explores hormones, executive function, breastfeeding, masking, sensory processing, relationships, and parenting, it continually returns to one central message:
Motherhood didn’t create these challenges. It exposed how much effort neurodivergent women were already spending to navigate everyday life.
Pregnancy may temporarily change the hormonal environment supporting executive function, but postpartum demands often remove the very resources women previously relied upon.
The result isn’t weakness.
It isn’t laziness.
And it isn’t simply “new mom exhaustion.”
For many women, it is a profound interaction between hormones, neurobiology, sleep deprivation, sensory processing, executive function, and the expectations society places on mothers.
By bringing these conversations into the open, Dr. Brighten and Vanessa hope more women will recognize themselves earlier, seek appropriate support, and understand that needing accommodations is not a personal failure.
Frequently Asked Questions
In this episode, Dr. Brighten and Vanessa discuss how many women experience significantly greater executive dysfunction and burnout after childbirth due to the combined effects of hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, caregiving demands, and the loss of masking capacity.
No. One of the central discussions in this episode is that postpartum burnout and postpartum depression are not necessarily the same experience. Vanessa describes her experience as losing capacity rather than experiencing depression, and the conversation explores why these experiences can sometimes be confused.
The episode discusses how pregnancy hormones—particularly estrogen—may temporarily support executive function and dopamine signaling for some women, making pregnancy feel mentally easier than the postpartum period.
Motherhood requires enormous cognitive, emotional, and physical resources. The episode explores how many neurodivergent women simply no longer have enough capacity to maintain the masking strategies they relied upon before becoming mothers.
Vanessa shares her personal experience with sensory sensitivities during breastfeeding and discusses the complex balance between sensory overload and using breastfeeding as a way to regulate her baby.
The conversation emphasizes education, understanding neurodivergence, respecting boundaries, and recognizing that executive dysfunction is not a lack of effort or motivation.
Whether you’re navigating postpartum yourself, supporting someone who is, or simply seeking to understand the intersection of hormones and neurodivergence, this episode offers an evidence-informed, deeply personal conversation that challenges common misconceptions. It reminds us that many women aren’t failing after childbirth—they’re carrying an invisible cognitive and physiological load that deserves far more recognition, research, and support.
Dr. Jolene Brighten is a board-certified naturopathic endocrinologist, a Fellow of the American Board of Naturopathic Endocrinology (FABNE), a Menopause Society Certified Practitioner (MSCP), a nutrition scientist, and a certified sex counselor through the Sexual Health Alliance. As a licensed physician maintaining an active DEA license and full prescriptive authority, her educational frameworks align with leading global standards, including ESHRE and The Menopause Society. She serves as a faculty member for the American Academy of Anti-Aging Medicine (A4M), acts as the Lead Researcher for the Brighten Essentials Research Division, and is currently directing ongoing scientific research initiatives to advance clinical care standards for women navigating complex endocrinology, neurodivergence, and tissue-specific hormone sensitivities.
Vanessa D’Souza is The Autistic Chef, a MasterChef UK 2023 semi-finalist, speaker and consultant. She is autistic and ADHD, with sensory processing differences, and is known for her lived experience and brutally honest conversations about neurodivergent women and life. Diagnosed before becoming a mother, Vanessa brings a rare perspective on turning 40, pregnancy, postpartum and breastfeeding hormone shifts — and how those changes can dismantle long-standing coping mechanisms. She speaks openly about the intersection of midlife, motherhood and late-diagnosed neurodivergence.